Mortgage Broker

CMB MAGAZINE cmba-achc.ca winter 2017 | 47 How do you keep work and personal life separate? BERNADETTE: When I'm at work, I'm totally at work and in "business woman" mode. I look different, talk different, I can't be Mom or wife. When I come home, everything's turned off: phone, email, files. Mike was unhappy when I first started, with clients calling in the evenings. But we put boundaries in place and it's better for the family. I actually don't give my cell number out. MIKE: We try to keep it separate, but she's better at switching off. She's the go-getter in her role from 9 to 5. As IT, I'm more flexible and have time to go home or [to do] other activities. e physical separation helps for me. At the dinner table, we discuss the kids' days and plans for weekend. We turn off our phones. Has working together improved your relationship? BERNADETTE: I can't imagine not working with him. When I'm facing a challenge with a client, I can bounce it off him and he gets it because we're in the same industry. Sometimes he wants to fix it, but I just want him to listen. By saying it out loud to someone, it helps. We also have such flexibility owning our company, and the kids benefit, too. We both can go to their events and don't miss anything. MIKE: It's allowed me to see the other side of Bernadette – how she deals with clients and suppliers. I get a deeper understanding and appreciation of her. In a normal relationship, you don't see that side, but I get to see the whole her. If she needs to discuss a work problem, I also know how to support her. Funny story? Toughest moment? BERNADETTE: When he le his job and joined us, it was tough, but everything got better once we found our groove. When he comes to me during the day in husband mode, I have a hard time being present as his wife – to stop being the broker and pause. So, no "honey business" at work! Aerwards, I will tell him, "I know you needed me and I'm sorry." I'm also Mike's worst customer: I want everything fixed in minutes. Nepotism can have such negative connotations. Does it come up often and, if so, how do you address it? MIKE: We are so autonomous in our roles. We trust each other, as well as the other couples in our management group. Nepotism is not an issue at all. With four couples managing the brokerage, it's just the norm. We're all very professional at the office, too – no PDAs. What was the initial reaction from family or staff? BERNADETTE: I remember the biggest reaction was with Mike's parents. ey were concerned about him leaving his big job and benefits. All I remember saying is, "We'll figure it out," and we did. It's worked out well for us. As for staff: At the time, we only had two people at the brokerage and they thought it was cool. MIKE: My parents were concerned about leaving that security and having all our eggs in one basket. It was a challenge for them, but we stuck with it and persevered. We knew if we weren't able to succeed, we had a fallback. e staff have been very supportive, with no animosity. My role was filling the gaps, and I didn't feel anyone there was feeling threatened. It's also a different dynamic, because we're the owners. There's a trust and a level of understanding between spouses that you wouldn't find with other colleagues. How does that help your business? BERNADETTE: We have such a level of trust. If I ask him to do something, I can lean on him, or if I have an issue, I can leave it with him. I know Mike supports and appreciates me a lot. I am grateful that I have a partner that completes me. Or what I always say: He is my better half. MIKE: Looking at all the positives, it's one of those decisions that I don't regret. I would do it all again. What is your key piece of advice for working with family? BERNADETTE: Always lead with appreciation! e more you appreciate and honour your spouse, the better your relationship will be. A lot of times, I hear spouses say, "I don't get the support-slash- appreciation I need." To expect your spouse to give that to you is setting him or her up to fail. Plus, you're putting your happiness in his or her hands. If you want appreciation, you can get it by doing four things: 1 Ask for it directly. Sometimes I ask Mike, "Do you think I'm pretty?" "Do you think I did well?" 2 Appreciate your spouse more. Give that which you want to have – the more you give, the more you receive. 3 Appreciate yourself. Sometimes we're so busy blaming ourselves and pointing out what's wrong, and we don't take the time to be grateful to our inner selves about what we did well. 4 Instead of saying he isn't appreciating you and finding proof that he's not, start thinking that he's appreciating you and find proof that he is. e more you point out what he's doing right, the more you'll get what you want. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Any of above choices puts the power back on me and gets rid of silent expectations that are usually the killer of relationships. MIKE: What I would advise is to preserve and nurture your relationship outside of the office. Treasure what you have and minimize stress. Keep boundaries there as much as you can: Work time is work, then you switch it off. We spend some regular quality time with dates every week, or go away for weekends together to recharge. "We decided that I'll take care of sales and customer service, while he takes care of admin and IT. It's evolved as the brokerage grew, and we both have our own kingdoms and rule our own worlds .." –Bernadette Laxamana

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