Issue link: http://digital.canadawide.com/i/162483
realadvice Surviving Stress Don't let pre-wedding anxiety spoil this special time in your life By Kim Mah Illustration by Rachel Gordon Trace the Source Getting married is a major life change, and change isn't always easy. According to Erica Miller, sources of pre-wedding stress can range from differences in opinion on family and financial issues through to couples simply feeling "overloaded" by the tremendous effort involved in planning their nuptials. More often than not, it's the bride-to-be who takes on much of this work — and suffers from most of the anxiety. Thanks to reality television, the term "Bridezilla" is often bandied about to describe an overly controlling stressed-out bride, but Shawn Miller takes issue with the word. "The words we use can really affect our perception of things," he says, "So you can call someone Bridezilla, or just a bride who deeply cares about her wedding day." In fact, he explains, there's a positive intent behind an anxious brideto-be's actions. She's not trying to be difficult; she's just determined to have the most spectacular day possible. The problem, however, is that in the process she may end up alienating those around her. And the marriage itself, the relationship, says Shawn, can get forgotten during the all-consuming wedding planning stage. Stay Focused A s you count down the weeks or months until your wedding day, you should be enjoying the time of your life. But what if instead of feeling blissful, you're exhausted, irritable or worse, arguing with your one true love? At least you can take comfort in knowing that you're not alone. In their Vancouver practice, Shawn and Erica Miller have counselled numerous couples coping with premarital stress. The married Millers are founders of Young, Hip & Married, a local service providing couples coaching, as well as wedding officiating services. 28 So, how can you prevent Bridezilla syndrome, or avoid friction between you and your partner as your wedding approaches? "I don't think you can prevent it altogether," says Shawn, "but I think you can stay on course and eliminate a lot of that stress by remembering what this is all about, and celebrating that in your heart . . . It's about this love, this life you want to create together, and that's magnificent no matter if you have your wedding in a park or at the Shangri-La. That doesn't change." Take Time Out At its core, your wedding is about the two of you, so take time for yourselves and communicate honestly. "I think by sitting down together and talking about expectations, you can really understand each other's R EA L WEDDINGS p22-29_Real Advice.indd 28 4/24/12 2:51:04 PM